BY: UM MAZEN OF KABOBFEST
As Easter is soon upon us and with the Pope due to arrive in Palestine in the coming month, it is befitting that we begin the canonization process to declare Salam Fayyad, the Palestinian “Prime Minister” a saint. Fayyad has long been revered as a saint to most in the West. After he was (illegally) appointed Prime Minister, foreign ministers around the world clamored to declare that he was the sole reason that Palestinians were receiving the guilt money provided by the Europeans. Tony Blair – a failure as Prime Minister and now a failure as Quartet envoy – joined the chorus. Even the Israelis – never known for being kind to the Palestinians have declared Fayyad as close to G-d as a human being can be.
Always sacrificing himself for the Palestinian cause, Fayyad, reluctantly took the job as Prime Minister and when his government failed to get confirmed by the Palestinian Legislative Council he reluctantly agreed to stay on as the (illegal) Prime Minister for more than a year and a half! During his tenure, Saint Salam could be seen attending meetings with Israelis in order to ensure that no food or fuel supplies make it into Gaza; trying to disband labor unions, threatening to cut off the electricity supply of refugees in the West Bank and banning demonstrations during Israel’s 23-day holocaust on the Gaza Strip. Of course, many have recognized his sacrificial ways: in February, Hillary Clinton, after seeing the Saint himself at another guilt money conference held to mask Israel’s Gaza holocaust, Clinton boasted about Saint Salam’s presentation skills to a group of Ramallah students: “It was one of the best I’ve ever seen!” Off-camera she said, “Some of my best friends are Palestinian!”
This self-sacrificing neo-Saint even resigned last month just to further the Fatah-Hamas dialogue (largely stalled because of him – but who’s pointing fingers). Saint Salam vowed that by March 31st, he would be out of a job – whether or not a new national unity government was formed. The Saint called in a group of Palestinian journalists – all on the payroll of the Palestinian Authority – to explain his self-sacrifice. “Horror” the headlines proclaimed. What would the Palestinians do without the Saint?! Who could ever replace him? Who would continue to pay out the guilt money? But ever the Saint he is, and after reading the ‘analysis’ in Palestinian newspapers, Saint Salam declared a couple of days ago that he would remain in office in a “caretaker” position until a new government is formed. Phew! What would we Palestinians have done without him? At least we can rest now knowing that Saint Salam and his American backers are taking care of us. Hallelujah!